?Hablas Español? Y Inglés?

?Hablas Español? Y Inglés?.

 

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Date night! Oh man…

What does it take to be married to a man of another culture, to have kids and to live abroad in the 21st century?!? A lot! Really. A lot. Are you up to it?

Take ‘date nights’ for example; do you remember your parents having quality time, date nights, arranging baby-sitters? Well if you are in your 40’s like moi and are from Brazil, your answer is NO.

Do you remember your mom carefully reading labels at the supermarket, checking out for food colouring, high fructose corn syrup, MSG, Trans Fat and all the indecipherable chemical names 50 letters long!? I guess not!

So, when people (including me) say it is important for a married couple to go on dates, they do not think of what it involves, the stress it actually puts on both parts! Oh yes, you read it right: the stress!

There I was, playing with my toddler, in the backyard, at 6pm, in forever sunny California. It was date night; however, I was still on my mommy duty. Then, my husband gets home earlier, for our date. Only God knows what he did in order to beat the traffic from Palo Alto to Los Gatos and be here before 7pm, on a Friday.

The children are eating: pizza, salad, fruit because it is ‘date night’. It is 6:30pm and my husband and I are looking at those pizza slices…we are not supposed to eat at home. He is enjoying a little glass of wine, I am in my rags, elbows on the island watching the kids eat…My husband and I cheat our way into a shared pizza slice…I say:

‘I am not ready yet, I have to change…’

‘Okay…then go…’

‘I wish they had beds in these places…’

My husband looks at me in the eye and totally gets it ‘there is no sex implied when a couple with kids asks for a bed! They simply want to sleep!’ We break into a laugh, he says:

‘That would be good!’

‘I’m so dead! Wouldn’t it be great if they had lounges with beds at the bars? Like we could lay down and we could talk and eat, laying down…’ – this is me spelling it all out: please save me from this date! I love you.

I make my way into my closet where the horror starts, between myself and I:

‘I should wear this dress…oh no then I have to change my bra…and my underwear lines show through it…’

‘Perhaps this red dress, I haven’t worn it since Christmas…’ I could wear it with these cute high heels! Oh, no…open toes! Look at my toe nails! Maybe, I could paint just the 3 ones that will be showing? No, I don’t have time for this. Next!’

‘What the heck, jeans it will be then!’ Here, this blue jeans, black tank top, need a cool cardigan…where are you?! Aha! Teens closet…Here! This will do!’

Hair and make up time! Hot iron here we come…I’ll just curl my bangs…Make up…just a bit, who wants to remove tons of make up after midnight?!

‘Oh no! What is this?! Mustache!? End of the world…no, wait! He won’t see this!! He needs glasses! And he cannot see from close (just like I can’t either! lol). If I sit next to him at the bar, and keep my face relatively close to his, he won’t see my faint mustache! Yay!

Last look at the mirror: Wow! Don’t I look good in my 40’s!  It is actually a really good thing not to do myself up every day! Because when I make an effort I like the results 😉

At the bar we eat, we talk, we take a selfie, I argue with him. I complain about a bunch of things; I condole the Silicon Valley, I move back to NY, I move back to England, I come back to the Valley…He grabs my face with both his hands and gives me a kiss. I blush, the elder couple at the other end of the bar seems to liven up with our scene. I livened up, we all did. We are back to 1995, London, in front of Big Ben…our first date.

We get married, we have kids, we work, we move around the world, we end up sometimes where we do not want to be! We complain, we strive to be our best, we question this culture, his culture, our culture. We are always tired, we have no help, God help us!

Date night. So that we do not run out of love. Whatever it takes.

My Hungarian Man ;)
My Hungarian Man 😉

Adri xxx

Teens and Tots

Monday, March 9th 2015: The week we set our clocks forward, here in Silicon Valley.  I knew I was doomed to being late this week. It was also my daughter’s birthday. She was turning 13! But, she’s been a teen for at least two years now…all that happened on Monday, was an official warning: Adriana, you are now officially the mother of two teens. Oh, and don’t forget that toddler! Good luck, dear!

Here in America, as the birthday girl’s parent, you can pop in to the school and deliver some pizzas for the kids, as a birthday treat. If the kid is a kid and not a teen…some parents chose to sit with them as part of the treat! But, God forbid, you do that to a teen! Your mission, as the teen parent is very clear: hand the pizzas to your teen, at the office, with no balloons, absolutely no kisses and please, don’t speak. In and out. Simple.

Could I handle this simple task? Course not! Am I a connected mother with the school? Sure not! I have a toddler! I cannot volunteer as much, I cannot pay attention to details such as: knowing exactly what time my 13-year-old has recess. So, I rely on her to tell me the correct time, right?! Wrong! Never, ever rely on a very artistic and lovely 13-year-old!

According to my darling daughter, her recess finishes at 1:30pm and ‘probably’ starts at 1pm. So, to be on the safe side, I take my toddler to the park in the am and at around 1pm I have the 4 large pizzas in my car boot.

I park at school and think: Kind of quiet for recess…oh, the bell is just about to ring…I am so proud of myself! Not late!! I go in and my guts tell me: you are so not at the right place at the right time! Nooooooooo! She was wrong! Recess WAS at 12:30pm! And there was I, messed up hair, dirty jeans, toddler and 4 pizza boxes in hand!! My first thought was: ‘Can I please, see my daughter so that I can grab her by her arms and shake her a little bit, just a bit, won’t cause brain injury, promisse!’ Arghhhhh!

Well, as a very resourceful mother of 3, I deliver two pizzas to the teachers and staff, who are so happy for my ‘random’ act of kindness 😉 I then, come home with two large pizzas that will be our dinner. No cooking tonight 😉 Done! Tragedy and humiliation transformed! Ta-da!!!

When you have a little toddler and teens, the whole logistics of simple daily life activities are compromised. Your sanity is compromised. And, you are lucky if you are left with any friends, at all! Because, even though you do have a calendar, a schedule which you try to follow and be organized at some level…there is always that teen drama, that toddler tantrum lurking around!

Are you planning on having a family? Please, mind the gap!!!!!!!!

I love my life! 😉 I do I do I do!

So much fun has to happen before a pizza delivery ;)
So much fun has to happen before a pizza delivery 😉 And no, he is not struggling, he loves his ‘Bibi Lulu’ friends!
Cheese pizza, anyone?!
Cheese pizza, anyone?!

Have an awesome weekend!

Adri xxx

ps. Monday was her bday, but I could only deliver (try to) the pizzas…today! Logistics of a mother of a toddler and 2 teens! I tell you!

Sua familia brasileira esta vindo te visitar? Vixiiiii rs

Foi tomando um hot chocolate com uma amiga brasileira,  que surgiu essa conversa:

-Menina, eu rodei a bahiana com a minha familia da ultima vez que vieram em casa! Nao, adoro minha familia, mas gente, perai, minha mae, so quer fazer shopping aqui! Ela nem me ajuda! Eu fico de chauffer, cozinheira, faxineira e pior: interprete!!! rsrs!

-Ahahahahaha! ‘I hear you!’ Eu tenho duas irmas, sou a mais velha. Amo minhas irmas, minhas sobrinhas, meus cunhados! Disso nao posso reclamar, pois eles cozinham e ajudam muito. Mas, quando eles vem pra ca, minha vida e no mall! Ai de mim planejar passeios! E levar o povo em ‘parques’, nem pensar! Parque? Pra que? Sem nem um  quiosquinho ao menos pra comprar nada rs?! No way! 

Gente, quantas vezes voces dirigiram ate o Gilroy Outlet nos 20 dias que sua familia brasileira veio visitar? 40 vezes? E o caminho do Westfield Valley Fair, o carro ja ia sozinho? rs Isso sem falar na Ross, Na TJ Maxx! Senhor! Eu ja fui la com minhas visitas ‘n’ vezes no mesmo dia! So para comprar umas 15 bolsas da Tommy, da Michael Kors, etc! E funciona assim:

-Ai essa eh linda nao eh, Dri?! Essa fica pra mim, e essa tambem, nao tenho uma branca. Ai, sabe o que? Vou comprar mais umas 3 para dar para as professoras do Enzo, presente de Natal! Ai nao, melhor levar umas 10, deixar guardadas…

Eles vem do Brasil com listas! Sim, e quando a gente pensa que chegaram ao final da lista…chega mensagem do vizinho pedindo pra levar um Channel number 5, ou o colega do trabalho pedindo um iphone!

A visita nao fala ingles?!  Nao dirige? Bom, vamos supor que seja a sua mae. Voce quer ficar grudada nela, nada importa! Entao se ela quiser ir 35 vezes na Ross, 20 vezes na Marshalls e voltar naquela loja la da pontinha, do outro lado da curva rs no Great Mall…para passar na Abrecrombie e pegar aquela blusinha azul de florzinhas, para netinha dela…voce…VAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! rsrsrs!

E quando voce timidamente fala assim para sua irma (isso no decimo nono dia, eles vao embora no vigesimo…rs):

-Posso levar a Maria Clara ao parquinho? Voces vao ao mall e ela fica comigo, queria tanto leva-la ao parquinho! – voce pede isso quase de joelhos, ja rs!

-Ai tem certeza? Ela gosta de ir no mall, viu? Esta super acostumada, nao da trabalho, nao. Mas se voce quiser levar…

-Maria Clara, voce quer ir ao parquinho com a tia ou voce quer ir no Mall?

Qual e a resposta da Maria Clara???

-No mall!!! – tua sobrinha fala isso pulando! Ela ja foi ao bendito mall 199 vezes mas esse American Mall tem algo que enfeitica o nosso povo e passa ate para as criancinhasssss!!! rs!

Bom, de repente, eles chegam do mall antes de escurecer e voce ainda quem sabe, no ultimo dia, leva tua sobrinha ao ‘parquinho’.

Chega o ultimo dia…ai que tristeza…eles vao todos embora, voce quer ficar com eles no quintal da sua casa, fazendo um churrasquinho, curtindo uma piscina, tirando um monte de fotos para posteridade rs, ter aquelas ‘deep conversations’ que ate agora voce nao teveee! Mas, adivinha so o que?

-Meu, nao vi aqui quando comprei o oculos la na Solstice que eu posso comprar outro com 35% de desconto com esse cupon, cara! Meu, tem jeito da gente voltar la? Cara, no Brasil esses oculos custam muito caroo! – diz o seu cunhado!

E voce…

-Claro, eu posso ir com voce ou pega o carro e vai, na boa.

Sua irma:

-Ai eh! Dai ja que voce vai comprar outro oculos eu aproveito pra comprar mais um pijaminha desses pra Maria Clara, la na Gymboree, essa malha e tao boa! E acho que vou pegar aquele vestido rosa lindo, lembra? Pro aniversario de 5 anos dela (A Maria Clara tem 2 aninhos).

Well, o que te resta? A Maria Clara? Maybe not!

Todos saem e voce fica, porque voce esta um trapo! rs! Se for mais uma vez a uma loja voce surta! Voce pensa: sera que eu sento agora e escrevo uma carta pra minha irma ler no aviao? rs!!

E quando eles retornam,  nao conseguem socar tudo nas malas…nunca da certo! rs! Volta la na TJ Maxx pra comprar malas! Todas nos aqui nos EUA ja temos ate uma balancinha especial, so para pesar as malas dos familiares  verde-amarelos rs!

E assim foram suas ferias com sua familia brasileira; um orgasmo shopaholico!

Valeu a pena!? Claro que valeu! Voce ama sua familia, sua familia te ama tambem! Voce e brasileira, voce entende e sabe que a vida la e punk! E cara!

Tiveram momentos inesqueciveis?! Claro que sim! Principalmente aquele de quando levei minha mae a Santa Cruz e almocando no Zelda’s ela olha para o mar e diz assim:

-Praia feia, ne? Vale a pena nao, viu Adriana?! Praia mais sem graca!

Olha bem essa foto e diz: quem e que vai culpar a minha mae?!?rs!Praia feia, sorry!

THE END 😉

Adri xxx

ps: Familia! Quando voces vem para ca, queremos ficar com voces e lhes mostrar o nosso cotidiano rs Os parques!!! rs Queremos tambem de voces…rs.. um vale baby-sitting!!!!!Para lhes abandonarmos uma noite e sairmos sozinhas pra namorar o maridao rsrsrs! Aceitamos tbem um vale viagem: vou para Napa com o marido e voces ficam com um carro, tres criancas e visitas ilimitadas a qualquer Outlet! Uau! 😉 Voltem logooo!Estamos com saudades!