Searching for my Maverick

It’s nearly 4am and even though I’m tired and have been sleep deprived for a week…I cannot fall asleep!

A minute ago I was laying in bed, between my 3-year-old son and my husband…my son has croup and had a little crisis, at bedtime. We got out the horrible tasting prednisolone and forced it down his throat…it is always so hard to see him in tears having to swallow this medicine down and then spit it out, cough and cry…But, the good thing is he is sound asleep and hopefully, this was the last night of his croup episode.

Since his croup onset – last Sunday night, I think I’ve managed to put down about 15 hrs sleep (Yap, for 5 days). And now, when all seems well…I cannot switch off. I read a blog post sometime ago, which stuck to my mind:

‘Stay-home-mom; a luxury to your spouse and to your kids’. http://www.babble.com/relationships/being-a-stay-at-home-parent-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse/

When I read this post, it was all so refreshing! It sounded ‘justifying’ and perfect-fitting. But then I thought; hang on a minute; if I am a luxury to my husband and kids…What am I to myself? I should feel so luxurious!! (So que nao!)

Luxurious is not quite what I feel like when I have my hair up, yellow gloves on, and an apron around my waste! (what waste? lol). Sometimes, I feel more like a big eraser (tipo aquelas borrachas de Itu?! rs!) that is erasing myself off little by little.

When my son coughs and cries; I hug him, kiss him, place him against my chest and keep him there until all is well…This is not a luxury…it is more like a need…from me to protect him, from him to feel protected and loved by me.

It is true: every now and then I apply for jobs and when they call me for an interview I get super happy! It is like ‘wow! I can still impress 😉 The thought of going back to work, back on my high heels does make me feel luxurious! But, it is also true that when I send off my CV, I kind of wonder if I should cross my fingers behind my back, hoping to hear:

‘Hey, Adriana, we love your CV, come work for us in two years time, do you mind the time-frame?!’

‘No, not at all! In fact it is quite alright; my toddler will be then in main stream education, sounds good!’

Ha ha ha…

I do not think being a stay-home-mom is a matter of luxury or even need. It is just a matter of being yourself. Be comfortable within your choices, your limits.

It is just me, wanting to be here for the moment, waiting for the right opportunity to show up. The one that will make sense for me, my Maverick.

And perhaps, as my teen daughter says…

‘Take a chill pill, mom!’ – I (we) should learn how to do just that!

Let’s all take a chill pill and let things be for a little while. No matter where you are…even if you are at the center of the world…where everything is happening…all the innovation and technology…the Silicon Valley!

Even if you are here…take a chill pill 😉 Think about what you really want, what matters to you. Everyone here is busy inventing, making, innovating, thinking, wanting to be and pushing you to ‘be’, to ‘go out there’, to do something…to reinvent yourself! It is all fine, it is all good…as long as this is what you want to do and to be…Is that your Maverick coming? Watch and see…not too early, not too late 😉

Eu Mateus praia 2015

Adri xxx

ps: looking for the chill pill…

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